Kiddushin, Daf Mem Aleph, Part 1

 

Introduction

The second chapter opens with a discussion concerning the ability to appoint an agent to perform an act on one s behalf.

 

מתני׳ האיש מקדש בו ובשלוחו

האשה מתקדשת בה ובשלוחה

 

A man can betroth [a woman] through himself or through his agent.

A woman may be betrothed through herself or through her agent.

 

A man can betroth a woman through an agent. This would mean that the man gives money to an agent to use in betrothing a certain woman. This probably would have been a common means of doing betrothal if the couple lived far apart from one another and was matched by others, as was nearly always the case. Similarly, a woman may appoint an agent to receive her betrothal money.

 

האיש מקדש את בתו כשהיא נערה בו ובשלוחו

 

A man may give his daughter in betrothal when a young girl [either] himself or through his agent.

A father has the right to marry off his daughter while she is still a young girl (na arah). This is defined as a girl between the ages of 12 and 12 1/2 who has already reached puberty. He may also marry her off at a younger age, but not when she is past that age. When marrying her off, he may use an agent to accept her betrothal money. Basically, the father takes her place in matters of betrothal.

I should note that while a father had the legal right to marry off his daughter and not his son, and this right extends only until she reaches 12 1/2, in practice the father played a very large role in arranging matches for both sons and daughters no matter what age they were when they married. The idea that a 12 1/2 year old girl became totally independent of her father was probably as strange of an idea in the mishnaic period as it would be today.

 

גמ׳ השתא בשלוחו מקדש בו מיבעיא

אמר רב יוסף מצוה בו יותר מבשלוחו כי הא דרב ספרא מחריך רישא רבא מלח שיבוטא

 

GEMARA. If he can betroth through his agent, is it necessary [to state] through himself?

R. Joseph said: It is a greater mitzvah through himself than through his agent. Just as R. Safra [himself] singed an [animal’s] head. Rava salted a shibbuta fish.

 

While one may use an agent to betroth a woman, it is a greater mitzvah to betroth on one s own, without an intermediary. This is illustrated by two sages who would prepare their own food on Shabbat, even though it could have been done by others.

 

איכא דאמרי בהא איסורא נמי אית בה כדרב יהודה אמר רב דאמר רב יהודה אמר רב אסור לאדם שיקדש את האשה עד שיראנה שמא יראה בה דבר מגונה ותתגנה עליו ורחמנא אמר (ויקרא יט, יח) ואהבת לרעך כמוך

 

Others say that in this matter there is even a prohibition, in accordance with what Rav Judah said in the name of Rav; for Rav Judah said in the name of Rav: A man may not betroth a woman before he sees her, lest he [subsequently] see something repulsive in her, and she becomes loathsome to him, whereas the Torah said, Love your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18).

 

Others say that it is actually prohibited to betroth a woman through an agent. While one who betroths a woman in that matter is betrothed (i.e. the betrothal is legally effective), the act is still prohibited. The problem with the act is that a man must see his wife before he marries her, otherwise he might see her and decide he does not want to be married to her. Seems like a reasonable request to me.

 

וכי איתמר דרב יוסף אסיפא איתמר האשה מתקדשת בה ובשלוחה השתא בשלוחה מיקדשא בה מיבעיא

אמר רב יוסף מצוה בה יותר מבשלוחה כי הא דרב ספרא מחריך רישא רבא מלח שיבוטא אבל בהא איסורא לית בה כדר"ל דאמר ר"ל טב למיתב טן דו מלמיתב ארמלו

 

And as to R. Joseph’s statement, it relates to the second clause: a woman may be betrothed through herself or through her agent. Now, if she can be betrothed through her agent, is it necessary [to state] through herself?

R. Joseph said: It is a greater mitzvah through herself than through her agent. Just as R. Safra [himself] singed an [animal’s] head; Rava salted a shibbuta fish.

But in this case, there is no prohibition in this case, in accordance with Resh Lakish, who said: It is better to dwell in grief than to dwell in widowhood.

 

According to this version, R. Joseph s statement was made in reference to the woman, not the man. It is preferable for her to see her husband before she is betrothed. However, it is not forbidden for her to be betrothed through her agent. The (highly gendered) assumption is that a woman would prefer to be married to anyone rather than remain unmarried. Therefore there is less of a risk that she will see something unseeming in him and not want to be married.

 

האיש מקדש את בתו כשהיא נערה כשהיא נערה אין כשהיא קטנה לא

מסייע ליה לרב דאמר רב יהודה אמר רב ואיתימא רבי אלעזר אסור לאדם שיקדש את בתו כשהיא קטנה עד שתגדל ותאמר בפלוני אני רוצה

 

A man may give his daughter in betrothal when she is a na’arah. Only when a na’arah, but not when a minor: this supports Rav. For Rav Judah said in the name of Rav: One may not give his daughter in betrothal when she is a minor, [but must wait] until she grows up and says: I want So-and-so.

 

The mishnah states that a man may marry off his daughter when she is a na arah (has reached the age of puberty, but is not yet an adult). From here the Talmud concludes that he may not marry her off when she is minor, until she is old enough to say that she wants a certain man. While we have a tough time imagining a 12 year old girl making such a statement, it seems that in their society this was not so outlandish.