Kiddushin, Daf Lammed, Part 6
Introduction
The mishnah rules that obligations of the father on the son are incumbent on both the father and mother. The question is what is the meaning of this phrase?
כל מצות האב על הבן וכו’
מאי כל מצות האב על הבן אילימא כל מצותא דמיחייב אבא למיעבד לבריה נשים חייבות
והתניא האב חייב בבנו למולו ולפדותו אביו אין אמו לא
אמר רב יהודה הכי קאמר כל מצות האב המוטלת על הבן לעשות לאביו אחד אנשים ואחד נשים חייבין
But all obligations of the father upon the son etc.: What is meant by All obligations of the father upon the son? If we say: all mitzvot which the father is obligated to perform for his son are women obligated? But was it not taught: The father is obligated in respect of his son, to circumcise and redeem him : only the father, but not the mother?
Rav Judah said: This is what it means: All mitzvot concerning a father, which fall on a son to perform for his father, both men and women are obligated.
Any mitzvah that a child must do for a parent is incumbent upon both the daughter and the son.
תנינא להא דת"ר איש אין לי אלא איש אשה מנין כשהוא אומר תיראו הרי כאן שנים א"כ מה ת"ל איש איש סיפק בידו לעשות אשה אין סיפק בידה לעשות מפני שרשות אחרים עליה
אמר רב אידי בר אבין אמר רב נתגרשה שניהם שוים
We have already taught this, for our Rabbis taught: A man [shall fear his father, and his mother] (Leviticus 19:3) a man I know this only of man; how do I know it of a woman?
When it is said: You (pl.) shall fear, two are mentioned.
If so, why does Scripture state man ? A man has the means to fulfill this, but a woman does not have the means to fulfill this, because she is under the authority of others.
R. Idi b. Abin said in the name of Rav: If she is divorced, both are equal.
There is a grammatical tension in Leviticus 19:3. The verse opens with a man which implies that only men are obligated to fear their parents. But the plural verb implies that both men and women are. The rabbis resolve this by saying that all children are obligated to fear their parents (below the Talmud will explain what this entails). But women, who in talmudic times moved to their husband s house) are not mentioned in the outset of the verse because they do not always have the ability to fulfill this mitzvah. However, when/if they are divorced or widowed, they revert to a full obligation to honor their parents.
ת"ר נאמר (שמות כ, יב) כבד את אביך ואת אמך ונאמר (משלי ג, ט) כבד את ה’ מהונך השוה הכתוב כבוד אב ואם לכבוד המקום
נאמר (ויקרא יט, ג) איש אמו ואביו תיראו ונאמר (דברים ו, יג) את ה’ אלהיך תירא ואותו תעבוד
השוה הכתוב מוראת אב ואם למוראת המקום
נאמר (שמות כא, יז) מקלל אביו ואמו מות יומת ונאמר (ויקרא כד, טו) איש איש כי יקלל אלהיו ונשא חטאו השוה הכתוב ברכת אב ואם לברכת המקום אבל בהכאה ודאי אי אפשר וכן בדין ששלשתן שותפין בו
Our Rabbis taught: It is said: Honor you father and your mother (Exodus 20:12); and it is also said: Honor the Lord with your wealth (Proverbs 3:9): thus the verse compares the honor due to parents to the honor due to God.
It is said: Every man shall fear his father, and his mother (Leviticus 19:3); and it is also said: The Lord your God you shall fear, and him you shall serve (Deuteronomy 6:13); thus the verse compares the fear due to parents to the fear due to God.
It is said: And he that curses his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death (Exodus 21:17); and it is also said: Whoever curses his God shall bear his sin (Leviticus 24:15): thus the verse compares cursing parents with cursing God.
But in respect of striking, it is certainly impossible [to make a comparison].
And it is also logical, since the three are partners in him [the child].
The Torah three times uses the same language to refer to parents as it does to God, because as we shall see parents and God are partners in creating the child.
There is one law that refers to parents that cannot refer to God striking. It is impossible to strike God physically.
ת"ר שלשה שותפין הן באדם הקב"ה ואביו ואמו בזמן שאדם מכבד את אביו ואת אמו אמר הקב"ה מעלה אני עליהם כאילו דרתי ביניהם וכבדוני
Our Rabbis taught: There are three partners in creating a person, the Holy One, blessed be He, the father, and the mother. When a person honors his father and his mother, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: I ascribe [merit] to them as though I had dwelt among them and they had honored Me.
תניא רבי אומר גלוי וידוע לפני מי שאמר והיה העולם שבן מכבד את אמו יותר מאביו מפני שמשדלתו בדברים לפיכך הקדים הקב"ה כיבוד אב לכיבוד אם וגלוי וידוע לפני מי שאמר והיה העולם שהבן מתיירא מאביו יותר מאמו מפני שמלמדו תורה לפיכך הקדים הקב"ה מורא האם למורא האב
It was taught: Rabbi said: It is revealed and known to He Who decreed, and the world came into existence, that a son honors his mother more than his father, because she persuades him with words; therefore the Holy One, blessed be He, placed the honor of the father before that of the mother.
It is revealed and known to He Who decreed, and the world came into existence, that a son fears his father more than his mother, because he teaches him Torah, therefore the Holy One, blessed be He, put the fear [reverence] of the mother before that of the father.
Rabbi [Yehudah Hanasi] picks up on the different order between mother and father in the verse about fear and the verse about honor. He explains that in each case the Torah speaks against a person s inclination. Children are inclined to honor their mothers and fear their fathers (I know, it s definitely sexist, but I wonder if this is still often true. It is in our family). Therefore the Torah teaches them to honor their fathers and fear their mothers. Both parents are due an equal portion of fear and honor.