Kiddushin, Daf Lammed Aleph, Part 6
Introduction
Today s sugya helps bring greater precision to what exactly it means to honor and fear on es parents.
ת"ר מכבדו בחייו ומכבדו במותו בחייו כיצד הנשמע בדבר אביו למקום לא יאמר שלחוני בשביל עצמי מהרוני בשביל עצמי פטרוני בשביל עצמי אלא כולהו בשביל אבא
במותו כיצד היה אומר דבר שמועה מפיו לא יאמר כך אמר אבא אלא כך אמר אבא מרי הריני כפרת משכבו
והני מילי תוך שנים עשר חדש מכאן ואילך אומר זכרונו לברכה לחיי העולם הבא
Our Rabbis taught: He must honor him in life and must honor him in death.
In his life : How so? One who is listened to in a place on account of his father should not say: Let me go, for my own sake , Hurry up, for my own sake , or Free me, for my own sake , but all for my father s sake.
In his death : How so? If one is stating something heard from his mouth, he should not say: Thus did my father say , but, Thus said my father, my teacher, may I be an atonement for his resting place. But that is only within twelve months [of his death]. Thereafter he must say: His memory be for a blessing, for the life of the World to come.
This baraita talks about how one honors one s parents. Honoring means attributing credit to them in their lifetime and remembering them for a blessing in their death.
תנו רבנן חכם משנה שם אביו ושם רבו תורגמן אינו משנה לא שם אביו ולא שם רבו אבוה דמאן אילימא אבוה דמתורגמן אטו תורגמן לאו בר חיובא הוא אלא אמר רבא שם אביו של חכם ושם רבו של חכם כי הא דמר בר רב אשי כי הוה דריש בפירקא איהו אמר אבא מרי ואמוריה אמר הכי אמר רב אשי
Our Rabbis taught: A sage must change his father s name and his teacher s name, but the meturgaman does not change his father s name and his teacher s name.
Whose father? If we say, the father of the meturgaman? Is then the interpreter not obliged [to honor his parents]? Rather Rava said, [it means] the name of the sage s father or the name of the sage s teacher.
As when Mar, son of R. Ashi, lectured at the pirka; he said [to the meturgeman]: My father, my teacher [said thus], whereas his interpreter said: Thus did R. Ashi say.
When quoting a tradition in the name of his father or teacher, a sage should not say his name. This is considered disrespectful. But when the meturgeman, sort of a loudspeaker who would say the sage s words in a very loud voice, quotes the tradition he can say the sage s father s or teacher s name.
ת"ר איזהו מורא ואיזהו כיבוד מורא לא עומד במקומו ולא יושב במקומו ולא סותר את דבריו ולא מכריעו כיבוד מאכיל ומשקה מלביש ומכסה מכניס ומוציא
Our Rabbis taught: What is fear and what is honor ?
Fear means that he [the son] must neither stand in his [the father s] place nor sit in his place, nor contradict his words, nor tip the scales against him.
Honor means that he must give him food and drink, clothe and cover him, bring him in and out.
This baraita outlines the difference between fearing and honoring one s parents. I think that what the baraita defines as fear we would call honor. Tipping the scales refers to expressing an opinion that differs with one s father. [I should note that there are plenty of cases in the Talmud where a rabbi does disagree with his father].
Honoring is essentially helping a parent materially making sure they have food, drink, clothing and someone to help them when its hard for them to walk.